


it takes time to live again

by Trashy_Cannot



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 09:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27348556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashy_Cannot/pseuds/Trashy_Cannot
Summary: All of my Bangalore Week entries!
Relationships: Bangalore | Anita Williams & Gibraltar, Bangalore | Anita Williams & Loba Andrade, Bangalore | Anita Williams & Makoa Gibraltar, Bangalore | Anita Williams & Octane | Octavio Silva, Bangalore | Anita Williams & Rampart | Ramya Parekh
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	1. send-offs and tunes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gibraltar gifts something to Bangalore, and a lot of memories come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day one's prompt is family.

When Sergeant First Class: Anita Williams packed up for the day after a hard-earned win in the Apex Games, the last thing she expected was a pat on the back from the enemy squad’s leader. 

Then again, it was Makoa. He was always kind, even to his enemies.

Sighing to herself, Anita wiped the sweat from her brow and did her best to ignore the wounds drawn on her skin from the match, knowing those would become scars sooner or later. 

The ride home was fine. Anita knew what to expect at this point. Some bumbling fool walking the street, some poor kid noticing who she was but being too scared to ask for an autograph...everything was normal. 

Anita arrived at her doorstep and fished her keys out of her duffel bag. 

Glancing at her door, she found a guitar resting on its stand, a small tag wrapped around its neck.

_ I heard you like guitars, brotha. I hope you can play us a tune one day. _

_ -Makoa _

She scoffed. Despite herself, the gesture gave her a warm feeling. It’d been a while since someone did something for her out of the kindness of their heart and not to keep her going in the Games. Anita pushed open her door, tossed her bag inside, and lifted the instrument.

It was strange. In all her years living in the Outlands, she spent most of her time carrying guns. The guitar in her hands felt so light, she was scared it was going to break. She ran her fingers over the guitar’s strings, taking in a deep breath.

Her whole life had, in one form or another, involved the IMC. Her family was a proud line of soldiers - she was no exception. Yet, with the time she’s had after Gridiron, she couldn’t help but feel empty. Her life wasn’t really hers, and every single one of her skills was always meant to destroy. 

Well, all of her skills except for one.

Anita sat down on her couch and rested the guitar’s waist on her lap, strumming mindlessly. Her fingers found the chords she hadn’t played since before Gridiron, and a song began.

“Now...your ass’ off to boot camp, so give ‘em a hoo-rah, hoo-rah, or they’ll send you out the door…” Anita began.

Blinking the tears out of her eyes, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Looking up, she found her family. The hand on her shoulder belonged to none other than Jackie, who had an incredulous look on his face.

“Come on Anita, we practiced this last night. It’s our send-off, we gotta make this good, or Nana’s gonna tell the IMC we aren’t fit for deployment.” Jackson spoke, laughing.

“I…” Anita trailed, looking around.

She was in the Williams backyard. Monty’s bonfire was burning as high as ever, and Nana was telling him to turn it down unless they wanted to burn the entire neighborhood down. It seemed like the neighborhood had come to join in too. There was a buzz in the air from everyone’s conversations. Zeke and Zaia were at the grill, laughing at what was probably a dumbass joke.

Jackson’s hand left her shoulder.

“Y’know what, let’s get something to eat before we get embarrassed to all hell.” 

“Y-Yeah.”

Nodding in silence, Anita took everything in. She had been working towards this for years, now. This send-off was the last step she had to take before she was fully deployed by the IMC. She’d sung in front of this neighborhood for years every time her brothers or her parents got deployed. So why did this feel so off?

Nana’s red velvet getting devoured was enough of a signal to Jackson and Anita that it was time for the two of them to get embarrassed in front of everyone. Anita wasn’t excited at the idea, but it was tradition.

Monty held up a small photo for everyone to see. Anita immediately shut her eyes and held her head in her hands. 

“Look at Anita y’all!” he wheezed and moved so that everyone could get a good look at it. “This was when she was ten and had to wear a dress to church- look at her!”

The crowd burst into laughter. She couldn’t blame them, in the photo she stood with her shoulders slumped and with an expression that screamed ‘help me’. For a ten-year-old, she looked pretty funny with how undone her buns were - she kept messing with it before the photo. For better or for worse, the buns made the rest of her head look comically small. 

Anita ran her hands against the sides of her head, freshly shaved while keeping the top full. She was glad she got the opportunity to change her hair. She wasn’t fond of going to serve with those buns and a dress. Luckily, the IMC asked for neither of those.

“Alright, alright…” Anita trailed. “Who’s got Jackie’s photo?”

Zeke, with a mischievous smile on his face, opted to project a video instead. It was footage of Jackson hiking with his gear and his platoon up a snowy mountain. It looked like Jackson was doing well for himself until he slipped and fell backward. He rolled down the mountainside for a good minute before he got his head planted in the snow. The only visible part of him was his legs, stuck straight-up in the air.

Anita couldn’t help herself. She laughed louder than anyone else at the party, and for the longest too. By the time she came to a stop, her lungs were empty and she could barely see through her tears. Jackie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, patiently waiting for her to recover.

“You good?” he asked.

“...Yeah, oh God...I’m good, I’m good.” Anita snorted. “Why haven’t I seen that before?”

This time, Zaia interjected. “The IMC gave that to Jackie a while back, but he tried to hide it. Luckily for all of us, Jackie’s pretty shit at hiding things.”

“I am not.” the Williams pouted.

“You wanna see that video again?” Zaia responded, taking the remote from Zeke’s hand and hovering his thumb over the play button.

“...No.”

“Alright then.” Zaia smiled. “Are you two gonna play for us now?”

“Might as well.” Jackie mumbled, handing Anita a guitar and getting his own.

Anita settled next to her brother, giving the instrument a quick strum. Glancing at Jackie, she found him smiling back, a silent encouragement to begin.

The Williams plucked the strings. The reverberations of the notes struck something within Anita, and tears began. Usually, send-offs were a happy occasion, yet she couldn’t help but cry. That familiar sense of everything being off returned to her.

Shutting her eyes, Anita continued. The notes filled the air, managing to overpower the now-smoldering bonfire. Even without seeing them, she knew her family’s eyes were on her, patiently waiting for her to sing. She stopped.

She took a deep breath and started again. This time, with a different set of chords. She knew that Jackie was probably ready to stop her, but he was too kind for that.

“I’m coming home, it’s been a long time...and I’ve been ready.” Anita inhaled. “I’m coming home...I’ve lived my way, the congregation, I’ve left my soul...at five and down, I’m holding on. I’m ready, I’m coming home…”

Anita’s fingers continued to play, but her voice couldn’t make a sound. Opening her eyes, she was no longer in her backyard on Gridiron. She was in the throes of the Outlands again. Humming, she turned her attention to her door, which had remained open and unlocked.

“Hey, bruddah.” 

“...Hey.”

“I didn’t mean to visit, but I wanted to see if you’d taken the guitar or threw it out. When I heard someone singing, I was hoping it was you.” he spoke, a gentle tone in his voice.

Anita cleared her throat and wiped her tears. “Well, you heard me sing now.”

“That I did.”

Standing up, Anita strode over to Gibraltar. She didn’t know why, but she gave him a hug, the first one she’d given in years. And it felt good. It felt like the part of her that was missing had been restored, even if it was just slightly. She was no longer lost in being an IMC soldier - she remembered that she still had a family and a home to return to. She was a Williams, and one that could play guitar damn fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First day is done!
> 
> Detail notes:  
> -The song Bang sang at the beginning is just something I made up - Tom Casiello said that Bang and her family wrote songs to sing at their send-off celebration  
> -Speaking of the send-off, I got the idea of it from Tom's tweets, as well as the names of Bang's brothers  
> -The embarrassing things that Jackie and Bang experienced were made up by me, but I based Bang's picture off of a Tik Tok that I saw joking about how awkward studs are when they have to wear dresses for church, which cracked me up.  
> -The song Bang sang at the end is a Blue's song, named "I'm Coming Home" by Ruby Wilson. I picked a Blue's song because in English we finished a play that had a lot of Blue's influences in its dialogue, so I was like "let me just,,,apply that here"  
> -And of course Bang would hug Gibby. I don't think she likes to be physically close with people but this act of kindness really got to her.
> 
> Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow for more entries! Kudos, shares, and comments are appreciated but I can't force you so until next time, bye!


	2. it's just a memory now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's off with Bangalore this match. Her teammate reaches out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day two and it's healing! For the purposes of this entry, it's mental healing, not physical.

Bangalore remembers every moment leading up to it. She remembers getting into an argument with her brother. She remembers reluctantly listening to him. 

But  _ it _ ...the event itself. She could remember all of it yet none of it at the same time.

The emotions were as clear as day. Bangalore’s familiar with the fear that was in her chest, which made it hard to breathe, even after she had put her helmet on. She remembers how every muscle in her body begged her to move, but she could only stare until one of her other soldiers grabbed her when she passed out.

“You missed.” 

Bangalore sighed. “I know.”

“She was standing still.”

“She’s short.” 

“So? She was standing still.” Loba reiterated.

Pulling back from the Kraber, Bangalore narrowed her eyes at her teammate. The thief responded with the same expression.

“If you wanna take a-”

Two claps of gunshots rung in succession and the ex-soldier found Loba’s head hitting the ground before she passed out herself. They threw the match.

Sitting on the dropship post-match, both women held ice bags to their heads.

Loba spoke up first. “What the hell happened? You were off your game.”

“Look, Princess.” Bangalore began. “Before we got shot in the head, I was gonna say that if you wanted to take a shot, I would’ve handed you the Kraber.”

“I don’t care about the Kraber, what happened?” Loba asked again.

“Nothing.”

A moment of silence filled the empty chair between them as they shifted the ice bags on their wounds. It was uncomfortable. Between the pounding of her head from the bullet to the death glares Loba was undoubtedly giving her, Bangalore really just wanted to get back home. 

The dropship landed and one-by-one the Legends left. 

Bangalore stood up, still pressing the ice bag against her head. Though she tried to take a step forward, she stumbled. Before her hands could reach the ground, her arms were hoisted up by a lithe pair. Looking to her side, she found the golden pupils of Loba, with one eye surrounded by an already worsening bruise.

“I’ll get Ajay.” she murmured.

“Don’t-” Bangalore interjected, sitting back down on the central couch. “Don’t. I’ll be fine.”

“Lie down before you give yourself a contusion from hitting your head on the table.”

Chuckling, Bangalore lay down. “Contusion? You’re gonna give Che a run for her money, Doc.”

“I could give you the contusion instead.”

Waving her off, Bangalore moved her ice bag around. She felt a weight by her legs settle on the couch. She removed her ice to get a better look. Loba was sitting next to her legs, pressing the ice against her eye.

“So. Will you answer the question now that we’re alone?” Loba asked.

“...Why do you want to know so badly?”

“Because,” Loba began. “If I don’t have a better excuse, that  demônio will be breathing down my neck and asking me where the source code is. Besides, I don’t want another one of your missed shots on a still target to lose us another match.”

“I didn’t realize that you cared so much about winning.”

“I don’t. But I know that you do. It’s unusual for you to throw a match like that.”

Bangalore shut her eyes. She knew Loba was probably looking at her again. Probably judging her too, considering she hadn’t even answered the question.

“Well?” Loba spoke.

“Do you remember the night your parents died?”

“Wh-”

“Sorry.” Bangalore sighed. “Do you remember what happened? Like...do you remember seeing them die?”

Loba took a moment to gather her thoughts.

“I remember my father arriving in an elevator...I remember the gift he gave me.” Loba put her ice bag down. “I remember seeing that son of a bitch cutting everyone down. I remember seeing my mother’s dead body before my dad sent me down that same elevator. I remember crying at meu pai’s corpse for hours until someone yanked me off of him. I remember that.”

Bangalore looked into Loba’s eyes. “But you don’t remember seeing them die?”

“...No.”

“I don’t know why, but when I was aiming my mind couldn’t focus. I was trying my damndest to remember what it was like when my brother disappeared but I could only remember the before and after. And what it felt like.”

Bangalore looked down at her hands. She shut her eyes. Perimeter check. Thanksgiving. Nana’s velvet cake. Airlock Bravo. Stand back. Nothing came up in her mind’s eye, but she could only yell out her brother’s name. She remembers waking up in a med bay. 

Sitting up, Bangalore moved to be a respectable distance from Loba.

“I think my brother’s alive. I pray every day that he is.” Bangalore glanced at her fellow Legend. “But if he is dead...for the life of me I can’t even remember what his last moments looked like. I don’t remember what my brother looked like when he died.”

Bangalore ruminated in the silence. Pulling out her tags, she found her and Jackie’s. Tugging at her necklace again, she pulled out her cross. Kissing all three, she tucked them back into her shirt.

“You remember him alive, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. If I forgot him alive, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”

Loba murmured, “Then that’s all that matters. When I was with my foster parents, they told me that it was okay to focus on mourning my parent’s deaths, so long as I forgot my past. Because I was in their family now.”

“Did you?”

“Of course not.” Loba scoffed. “I remembered every second of my life that I spent with my parents. It was the thing that kept me going all of these years. I wanted- I want to kill that demônio for their memory of life. What their life could’ve been with me.”

Bangalore smiled. “I want to say the same. I just...I can’t remember what he looked like when he vanished. How can I, his family, not remember his final moments?”

“I don’t know. But even if he’s just a memory, it’s a memory of his life.” Loba spoke, standing up.

Bangalore watched as her teammate left the dropship, nearly stumbling as she made her way down the open ramp. Putting down her ice, she pressed her fingers into her tender forehead, still damaged from the headshot. 

She shut her eyes. This time, she remembered everything but that day. She remembered laughing at him tumbling over himself while he tried to climb a mountain. She remembered him giving her his tag before deployment as a good luck charm. She remembered him nearly choking on Nana’s red velvet when he stole the slice from right under her.

He was just a memory, now. But his life was something to keep her going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I've actually had this concept rattling around in my brain for a while, as I think both Bang and Loba have both experienced very traumatic things in their lives, but have approached the memory of it rather differently. Also, this is loosely following the last chapter (in fact all of my entries outside of the last day are going to be loosely connected).
> 
> Detail Notes:  
> -I think that Bang mostly tries not to reminisce on her brother's death, but in this entry, she just couldn't stop thinking about it and realizing that she doesn't remember it well.  
> -Also the person Bang tried to shoot at was Wraith.  
> -I think that because Bang is in the games for money to get back home, she's very deadset on winning, which is what clued Loba in that something was off.  
> -Final note, I think what's important to take away is that what we do is for the memory of people we love - not their deaths, but their lives and what that meant for both us and for others. Which is what Bang is slowly letting herself do.
> 
> Anyway, kudos, comments, and shares are always appreciated but I can't force you so until tomorrow, bye!


	3. shopping day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The red carpet event for the new season is coming up, and Anita meets up with a couple of old friends before and during the event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day three is fashion babeyyyyyy
> 
> Also if you happen to be reading this Tuesday evening and not Wednesday morning, just know that for day 3 and 4, I will be uploading the chapters the night before but will be promoting them the day of because I have testing. Yep. Anyway, y'all aren't here for that, enjoy!

The tailor was measuring her shoulder width when she heard a jingle at the door. 

Blowing up her usual pink gum, Rampart popped it and gave a big smile, spinning around to take in the shop’s decor.

“I didn’t know you treated yourself this well when it came to clothes…” Ramya trailed, walking up to her friend and tugging at the suit getting adjusted for her.

“I didn’t know either, bruddah.” Gibraltar laughed. “The first time I saw her today, I didn’t even recognize her.”

Anita rolled her eyes and looked back at her friends. 

“I don’t stay for the after-party. I just get there for the folks up top to know I attended and leave the moment the paparazzi start asking questions.” 

Ramya tossed a couple sticks of gum Anita and Makoa’s way.

“Well, after this do you mind helping me find a dress?” the newcomer asked.

“Sure.” Anita glanced at Makoa. “Are you gonna join us?”

“I’d love to, bruddah, but I gotta make sure my suit gets dry cleaned. I’ll meet you both when I get there.”

“Stay safe.” the two women spoke.

“You too!” he half-yelled, ringing the door once more as he left.

Anita stood still while her tailor finished taking her measurements, chewing the gum Ramya gave her. The suit she planned on wearing was a departure from her usual style. It was more flamboyant, to say the least.

Glancing in the mirror, she saw Ramya stare at her with a confused look, blowing bubbles.

“What is it?” Anita asked.

“I’ve seen almost all of your red carpet outfits. Why didn't you tell me you were gonna wear white tonight?” Ramya paused, leaning forward with a grin. “Are you trying to impress someone?”

Anita scoffed. “No, of course not. I just came to a realization a few months back, and I feel happier for it.”

“...Care to elaborate?” Ramya spoke, popping another bubble.

“Well. I was always mourning someone before. I feel like I don’t have to mourn anymore. I can just exist now, with the memory of them in my head.”

Ramya stood up and poked her friend’s side. “That’s...deep. Are you talking about an ex? I won’t judge, whoever they are.”

Chuckling softly, Anita popped Ramya’s gum with her finger.

“No. My brother.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I got him here.” Anita pointed to her chest, smiling.

Ramya punched Anita in the shoulder.

“Ow?”

“Since when have you been a sap, you plonker?”

“Since I heard some surprisingly wise words.” Anita murmured, shrugging off her suit and entering her changing room.

* * *

Shopping for Ramya’s dress was pretty straightforward. A royal purple sari with gold accents and details, paired with bracelets of the same color. Ramya was never much of a picky person, if it looked good in her eyes, she would get it. To her credit, what looked good for her actually looked fantastic objectively, which Anita couldn’t quite say the same for herself.

Ramya apparently got henna the day before, so she was trying her best to pick at it without destroying the design. Anita took notice.

“Is that gonna be ready for tonight?”

“Huh? Of course it is.”

Anita turned to look at her friend. “Then what’s got you so worked up?”

“I want to look cool.” Ramya mumbled.

“Cool? Then you definitely shouldn’t have gone shopping with me.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” Ramya sighed. “I just want to look like I belong at the games so that Horizon knows I’m not to be messed with.”

“I think she knew that when you got those challenges from her and managed to do it in one go by mowing down ten people to win a match.”

Anita pat her friend on the back.

“Besides. I think your sari alone is enough to make everyone realize you’re the best-dressed there.”

Ramya rolled her eyes. “You can’t say that. I haven’t even seen anyone else’s outfits. Just yours.”

“I really don’t think they’re gonna beat out your sari.” Anita chuckled. “But we’ll see tonight, I guess.”

“See ya around, Williams.”

“See ya.”

* * *

Anita was, as expected, the first to arrive on the scene. Stepping out of her limousine, she fastened one of her golden buttons together. 

The paparazzi all focused on her at once, nearly blinding her with their flashes. Smiling, she waved. Her pants, vest, and shirt were all white. However, the main attraction was the suit itself - adorned with golden swirls on its lapels and collar, Anita looked like what the magazines were going to call ‘divine’. 

Adjusting the golden rings on her middle finger and thumb, Anita felt the paparazzi’s attention shift to a new limousine. Stepping out of it was Makoa, wearing a navy blue button-up, as he took a step forward he adjusted his lavalava, a wide grin on his face.

Anita was quickly pulled into a hug by him as he waved to the cameras. 

“You look amazing, bruddah.” Makoa complimented, patting her on the back.

“Could say the same about you. I always get surprised with what color you use for your lavalava.”

“Ah, well...I always like to look colorful.”

The paparazzi shifted again, and out from the new limousine was Ramya, wearing her purple and gold sari that dragged on the carpet a bit. Regardless, the paparazzi ate her up while she grinned widely, winking at a few of the cameras. With ease, she pulled her elder friends into a hug, nearly lifting them off the ground.

“Jesus, Ramya. Did you get a workout in before this?” Anita joked.

“No, you both just weigh less than Sheila with a full mag.” Ramya snorted, patting her friend on the back.

Anita had circled around Ramya in order to get a good look at her sari, putting her back to the area where the limousines were. At this point she drowned out the paparazzi’s questions and whatever they were snapping pictures of. The detail was crazy, and the henna hurt Anita’s brain to think about how long it must’ve taken to be done. Ramya’s taste in fashion was definitely immaculate, even if she said it wasn’t.

“Sergeant.” a voice spoke from behind.

Glancing up, Makoa and Ramya waved off Anita and started walking forward without her. Cursing beneath her breath, Anita turned around to find Loba, a smile on her face. Whether it was for the cameras or if it was genuine, she wasn’t quite sure.

“Princess.”

A laugh. “Indulge me. Why the suit color?”

Before Anita could open her mouth, Loba looped an arm into hers, pulling her closer. With their proximity, Anita took note of her compatriot’s dress. Burgundy, with gold accents. Loba’s hair was down from its usual pair of braids, pulled to one side.

“Believe it or not you give some good advice.” Anita began, leading the two to the main event. “I figured I’d stop mourning and be happy. Treat myself.”

“Treat yourself you did...if you had always dressed like this I’m sure the media would’ve been less inclined to think you were a stuck-up.”

“Are you patronizing me?” Anita asked.

“No. I’m just being honest with you. But I won’t lie, that suit looks good on you.”

Anita chuckled. “Thank you. I would say the same but I’m pretty sure ten different reporters have already told you that.”

A knowing smile from Loba pulled at her lips while she gave Anita’s arm a pat. She split off to her own table while Anita joined Makoa and Ramya.

“Would you look at that, Makoa. She’s practically glowin’. I’m sure all the tabloids are gonna talk about the romance between those two.” Ramya teased.

Makoa gave a wistful, but genuine smile at the remark.

“You stop that.” Anita sat down, unbuttoning her suit. “Loba and I are just on better terms than when she first joined the Games.”

Glancing, Anita found Makoa giving her an incredulous brow raise. He burst out laughing, disrupting the calm aura of the event for a moment.

“I’m sorry, bruddah. I believe ya.”

Ramya scoffed. “I don’t.”

Anita sighed. Yet, for the first time for one of these events, she felt her shoulders lighten a bit. Maybe it was the teasing from her friends or the suit she was wearing, but a part of her knew it was because she stopped mourning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need the Legends to get red carpet skins. Please. 
> 
> Detail Notes:  
> -As explored throughout this one-shot, I imagine that Bang gets a little less stuck-up over time after her convo with Loba because she's no longer holding herself back in the past. She's using her life to celebrate Jackson's, while also allowing herself to live her own life that isn't entirely focused on just getting back home. So she treats herself to nicer clothes.  
> -I wanted a lot of the conversation in this one-shot to be between Ramya and Bang because I think that for as serious as most of Bang's interactions are with the other Legends (even with Gibby to an extent, 'cause they're older than the others), Bang gets more loose around Ramya, 'cause she's chill  
> -Also, Ramya, being the literal youngest Legend in Apex, I would imagine wants to appear a little cool. Not necessarily to the other Legends, 'cause she's confident in herself, but with Horizon, because even though she joined the games last season, she wants to seem like she's been in the Games forever, as a way to throw off Horizon.  
> -Okay, Ramya's Sari I imagine looks a little closer to the ones she has in-game, but it's more of a dress, and her hair would be down. I think. Also give Ramya a skin where we can see an entire henna piece, Respawn  
> -Okay so for Gibby I wanted to look for formal wear for Polynesian cultures. Unfortunately I got a lot of white people in tropical shirts BUT I did manage to find a Lavalava. Those are really neat, and now I hc that Gibby wears them for his red carpet events, or any formal event, really. Of course, I'm not Polynesian, so if the lavalava isn't meant for formal events, please tell me!  
> -Whether or not you read the exchange between Bang and Loba here as romantic is completely up to you. I am a lobalore shipper, but for the sake of Bang week I didn't want to have every chapter include lobalore. However, I did want a bit of continuity between the one-shots, so that's why they were more close to each other here.  
> -Gibby! Now, while Ramya is teasingly saying Bang and Loba were being romantic, and that the tabloids would just run with it, Gibby actually saw that and felt a little sad! While he feels happy for Bang, he's still a little heartbroken over his lost love with Nik, and also that is me saying RESPAWN LET GIBBY FIND LOVE AGAIN
> 
> Anyway. Thank you for reading! Comments, shares, and kudos are always appreciated, and until tomorrow (or tonight? time? whatever) see you next time! Also, have a great season 7!


	4. start with the basics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A (very) brief history of Anita and weapons, and her current frustration with her teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 4 is weapon! I am 30% the FBI is on my ass for the research I did for this one-shot!
> 
> If you see this early, no you didn't (I have a test during the usual time I'd be promoting this so I'm just putting this up in advance)

Looking at the pistol in her unweathered hands, Anita scoffed.

“Are you really gonna start me off with this one?” she asked.

“Of course I am. If you don’t start with the small stuff, how the hell are you gonna handle something like a Kraber?” Jackie retorted, flicking a bullet her way.

Anita caught it and put it into her magazine, then loaded it into the P2020. Sighing at the small gun in her hand, she aimed at the target down-range. She shut one eye and fired. She missed.

“I’m not gonna be able to do anything with this anyway, just let me use another-”

Jackie cocked a brow. “Hell no. Don’t shut your eye. You gotta be able to see everything.”

“What? That just makes me the gun look weird.”

Anita watched as her brother adjusted her arms and smacked the back of her head gently, a smile on his face. He was enjoying her frustration, wasn’t he?

“Trust me, ‘Nita.”

Anita sighed and did as he recommended. Pulling the trigger three times, she landed a cluster of shots into the target’s head. Anita lowered her arms and smiled. She glanced down at her P2020 in her gloved hands and rubbed at the scuff on its slide before turning the safety on and emptying the mag.

“Nice job, Williams.” an officer remarked. “Keep this up and you’ll be out of boot camp faster than I can pull apart and reassemble a Peacekeeper.”

It was the last day of boot camp. Smirking, Anita picked up the Peacekeeper from the table. The officer in front of her had a stopwatch ready, waiting to see if she’d pass the test. Anita nodded to herself before grabbing a bandana and wrapped it around her eyes, to the surprise of her superior.

“Begin.”

Anita’s hands slid over the frame of the gun, pulling each part of it apart with ease, tapping the table once everything was laid out on the table neatly. Of course, she knew it was neat because she practiced. Taking a deep breath in, she spared no time to pick up each piece and reassembled it, making sure to slide in the choke before she put it back onto the table, tapping once more.

“Holy shit.”

Anita pulled off her blindfold. “How’d I do?”

“Less than 20 seconds.” the officer took a step back in disbelief. “That’s an IMC record.”

Anita smiled, adjusting the gloves on her hands. She glanced at her teammates. They were in the firing range together, struggling to put in a Precision Choke.

“We had the Choke before. Why are y’all struggling now?” she asked.

Loba scoffed. “Need I remind you that by the time I joined, the Triple Take was the only one using it? Besides, I never touched that gun.”

“How about you, Octane?”

“I always liked the Mastiff better.” he chuckled, jamming the Choke into his Peacekeeper, firing it without much consideration for how close his teammates were.

Anita sighed, picking up the Peacekeeper from Loba’s hands. 

“This is what I get for getting paired with trust fund kids.” Anita murmured. “I thought you had training before the Syndicate rushed you into the games.”

“I did.”

“Did you pay attention?”

“Do I need you to shoot you with this Wingman?” Loba threatened, hovering her hand over the pistol.

“Y’know what? I think we should start with the basics.”

A raised brow from Loba was interrupted by a terrified jolt as Octane fired his shotgun again, destroying a DUMMIE. Loba sighed in frustration.

Anita pulled her standard-issued P2020 from its holster, handing it to Loba. The scuff from all those years ago was still on its slide. There was a genuine expression of disbelief and slight offense in Loba’s features as she loaded a magazine into it. She turned the safety off and aimed, shutting her eye.

“Oh, I see.” Anita fought back a laugh. “All your fundamentals are wrong.”

“Look, I wasn’t the one who missed a completely still Wraith with a Kraber.”

“But I’m also the one that can pull apart a Peacekeeper and put it back together with a Choke in under twenty seconds. Blindfolded.” Anita retorted.

Loba rolled her eyes. “Just show me what to do.”

Like her brother did with her, Anita adjusted Loba’s arms. This time, she didn’t smack the thief in the back of the head like Jackie did to her. That would probably just end in her getting her foot shot off. Looking into Loba’s eyes, Anita narrowed her own.

“Don’t close an eye. Keep ‘em both open.” Anita murmured.

“But then-”

“But then if you’re the last one alive you’ll know if someone else is coming at you from your side.” Anita put her hands on her hips. “Doesn’t matter if you get one down if you forget there’s another person.”

“I doubt it’ll come to that.” Loba spoke.

“If we don’t get shot in the head, I’m sure it will.”

Anita watched as Loba followed her advice. Her aim wasn’t perfect, but it was still leagues better than what it was when they first arrived at the range. There was a genuine look of surprise when her shots hit as accurately as they did.

“Would you look at that? Maybe this kitty does have claws.”

“Wolf."

“Whatever.” Anita huffed. 

Loba handed the P2020 back. “So are you going to show me how to put in a Choke now?”

Anita smirked.

Much like her final test for boot camp, Anita lay a Peacekeeper on the table. Waving Octane over, she handed him a stopwatch. Loba seemed unimpressed. 

“Compadre, how are you going to do this if you’re wearing a blindfold?” Octane asked, hovering his thumb over the start button of the stopwatch excitedly.

“Trust me.” Anita glanced at Loba before putting her blindfold on. “Tell me when to start.”

“Three...two…”

“Just start the damn thing.” Loba interjected.

With ease, Anita recalled where each part of the shotgun came loose. Effortful, but gentle tugs pulled the gun apart, as she put the lever, the handle, the barrel, and the choke on the table. Tapping the table, she put each part back together again, sliding the choke into the base of the barrel and tapping the table.

Octane whistled. “Fifteen seconds. I can’t even put in just the hop-up in fifteen seconds.”

“I’m sure you can learn.” Anita chuckled as she pulled off her blindfold. “Just takes time and practice. And if you can’t do it this season, I’ll just put it in for you.”

“How kind of you.” Loba taunted.

Anita chuckled. “But...I know you saw where I put the Choke.”

“That I did.”

“Then show me you paid attention.” Anita spoke, taking a new Peacekeeper from the rack and tossing another Choke to her teammate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I get into detail notes, peep me referring to Anita as Anita and not Bangalore. She's loosened up.
> 
> Detail Notes:  
> -So the reason I started with the P2020 is because according to the Apex wiki Bang's family has a history with the P2020, and that Bang sees it as very reliable. So I was like, what if Jackie's importance to her memory of mastering the P2020 is part of why it matters so much to her?  
> -Also, hopefully the transitions between the time periods weren't too jarring. But in case it was difficult to tell, it was the firing range when she was pre-IMC, IMC bootcamp, then the Apex firing range.  
> -Also the "keep both eyes open" thing might be completely wrong, I did a little bit of googling around but I really don't want the government to think I'm doing anything bad because in this political climate? Not wanting that lmao  
> -Also, the factoid about Bang doing all of that peacekeeper stuff under 20s is straight from her official bio on the Apex site.  
> -Oh. Yeah, Loba and Octane are both trust fund kids, and while Octane is one of the very few seasonal Legends that got into the games LEGIT (wattson joined bc of prior connections, crypto got in bc hacking, *gestures at s4, 5, and 6*, and rampart having the Blisk card), I still think he kinda does things in possibly dangerous ways because it's the quickest way of doing it i.e. equipping a choke without much regard for safety  
> -Also, yep that "missing a still Wraith" was a callback to,,,entry 2? Right? Sure  
> -Loba believes that branding is important. Bang doesn't really give a shit lmao  
> -Again, whether or not you wanna see these two's interactions as romantic is up to you, for the sake of Bang week (and not spamming the lobalore tag) I'm not tagging it as such, but if you wanna, you can
> 
> As always, kudos, comments, and shares are always appreciated! See you tomorrow!


	5. pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was she here again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say here, other than it's day 5, pride! (that rhymed)

Anita doesn’t quite remember how she got caught up in this.

But it didn’t really matter, because she was getting the air choked out of her from Makoa’s hug as they walked down a street. She forgot to bring her pride pins, and he was giving her a hug to make her feel better. It worked a little bit. 

She was also accompanied by Bloodhound and Loba, who were arm-in-arm a distance away from her and Makoa.

As much as she understood why Makoa or...any of the other Legends would’ve enjoyed pride, Anita didn’t find herself feeling the same way. It was just a lot of loud noises and a blinding amount of rainbow. She liked to celebrate pride in the confines of her own home while she strummed her guitar to some old song about love. Pride wasn’t her thing.

“Remind me why I’m here again?” Anita asked.

Makoa let out a loud laugh. “Because bruddah, it’s pride! And those two over there are the most boring people to go to the parade with.”

“I thought I was the stuck-up of our group.” Anita chuckled.

“In the Games, sure. But look at them.” Makoa asserted, pointing to their compatriots.

Loba and Bloodhound were talking like they weren’t in the middle of a nigh-deafening parade. If Anita didn’t know any better, she would just think they were out for a leisurely stroll, considering that Bloodhound was wearing a brown sweater and khaki pants while Loba was wearing a white button-up with plaid pants. What the hell was going on? Since when did either of them dress like that?

“They look bored enough to fall asleep.” Anita murmured.

“See? This is why I dragged you along.” Makoa sighed. “Besides, Rampart said she had some modding to do, Elliott wanted to stay home, and both Wraith and Natalie said they were preoccupied.”

Glancing to her right, Anita spotted a blonde and raven-haired duo sipping out of the same milkshake, trying their best to not attract any attention. Anita waved and turned her attention back to Makoa.

“Elliot? Missing out on pride? Doesn’t seem like him.” Anita spoke.

“I would say the same thing, but when I asked he started laughing and coughing. He got the flu...or something like that.”

Anita cocked a brow. “Weird.”

The duo followed the path of the parade for a bit before branching off and finding a small coffee shop. 

The shop had a quaint interior, boasting walls lined with a number of books that Anita couldn’t bother to count. Any free space not taken up by those bookshelves were covered in plants, blackboards, or simple paintings likely done by a local artist. Walking up to the bar, a surprisingly familiar woman stood behind it, wistfully staring out the shop’s window.

Anita cleared her throat, glancing at Makoa, who seemed to share her surprise.

“Holy shit.” she whispered.

“Zephnewski.” Anita scoffed. “Didn’t know you were a barista when you weren’t working for Hammond.”

The woman in question stared at her customers for a couple of moments. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Yoko shut her mouth again and sighed.

“I’ll have a cold brew.” Makoa interjected.

Anita relaxed her shoulders. “I’ll have an iced coffee. Pride isn’t the time for corporate affairs.”

Looking out the window, Anita spotted a Hammond Robotics float covered in rainbow paraphernalia while people in suits threw out colorful necklaces. The energy of the parade seemed to dull when people took notice of the float. Anita couldn’t blame them. Makoa and Anita shared a sigh and a small weary chuckle with one another before turning their attention back to the barista.

“...I’ll have that up for you both in a few minutes.”

The duo sat down on stools opposite from each other, scribbling random words or inside jokes on the blackboard wall next to them. It was mostly just things they called Elliott behind his back. Nothing too malicious, but “ramen-noodle hair” was a name they wrote.

“I was wondering where the two of you had gone off to.” Loba remarked, setting her beverage down on the table.

“You’re already drinking? It’s-”

“And you’re the one at a coffee shop at two in the afternoon.” Loba retorted, a smug, if slightly buzzed smirk pulling at her lips.

“Where’s Bloodhound?” Makoa asked.

“They went home.” Loba chuckled. “Something about Artur getting really angry about a leaf.”

Bangalore furrowed her brows. “How would they even know-”

“Bloodhound’s got their ways, I’m sure.” Loba commented. 

In time Makoa and Anita got their coffees, and Loba finished her margarita. The trio weren’t really up to leave the shop yet. For as much as Makoa talked about being old (despite being the youngest of the three), it felt like age was really catching up to them. It was probably just the Games.

“Oh.” Loba mumbled. “I didn’t know she was here.”

Loba pointed to Yoko, who took notice of the trio’s lack of movement in the past thirty minutes. When her eyes met with Loba’s, she practically ducked behind the bar.

“Yeah. Apparently she has a part-time job here.” Anita sighed out, resting her head on Makoa’s shoulder.

“And you believe her?”

“Why not?” Makoa responded.

“Her existence in this coffee shop is as suspicious as that ugly float by Hammond.” Loba spoke.

Anita shifted her head to look Makoa in the eye. He shrugged.

“It is an ugly float.” Anita chuckled.

“I’m going to speak with her.” Loba whispered, standing up.

Anita groaned and grabbed Loba’s wrist. “Don’t. Let’s not cause a scene right now.”

“I need those coordinates, Sergeant.” Loba rolled her eyes. “Do you want to keep getting bothered by that  demônio for the next season?”

“No, but can we keep our serious shit outside of pride? I came out to have a good time with Makoa.” Anita explained.

“...Fine. I’ll see you in the Games.” Loba spat, taking a step towards the exit before stumbling a bit.

“Do you need help getting home?” Anita asked. “It seems your love of heels is working against you.”

“These are pumps.”

“Same difference.” Anita murmured, holding out her arm for Loba to grab onto while silently saying goodbye to Makoa.

* * *

“Why did you come out today?” Loba sighed, falling onto her couch.

Anita chuckled. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not old enough to experience coming out, Sergeant. None of us are.”

“I know, I know. I just went out today because  _ apparently _ , you are a stick in the mud at pride.”

“...Bloodhound enjoyed my company.”

“Because they’re Bloodhound. They like quiet company.” Anita laughed. “You two were like estranged victorian kids that were forced to go to a party.”

Loba waved the soldier off.

Anita sat down across from the thief, crossing her legs while placing her arms across her backrest. Shutting her eyes, she felt a small impact in her lap.

Opening them, she found a small rectangular pin. A gradient of orange and pink with a couple of brown stripes at the top. It was really pretty, even if Anita wasn’t one for warm colors. The cold metal in her hand quickly warmed.

“Bloodhound bought that. Said that they never see you get anything for yourself.” Loba spoke. 

Despite herself, Anita smiled at the gift. “Tell them I said thank you.”

“Tell them yourself.” Loba paused. “I heard we’re on a team with them this season.”

Nodding, Anita pinned the flag to her jacket, a small smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pretty light-hearted affair this time, just some simple pride celebration.
> 
> Detail Notes:  
> -Bloodhound and Loba were dressed with a dark academia aesthetic, if you were wondering why I was describing them like that lmao  
> -Yeah that blonde and raven-haired duo were Wattson and Wraith. Also, Elliott refused to go to pride because he had a gay bluescreen when Gibby asked him out. So yeah, darskparks and miraltar rights  
> -Of course I was gonna reference big companies at pride. They suck.  
> -Bloodhound knows Artur. I don't know how they'd know Artur was angry at a leaf, but they'd know  
> -I think one of the writers confirmed that being lgbt wasn't any sort of weird thing in 2733 (when the games take place), so there's no reason to come out. So that's why Loba said what she said  
> -I ofc can't share the lesbian pride flag that I described for Bang's pin, but it is very pretty. Google "poc lesbian flag" and from left to right, count to 11. The 11th is the one I'm describing  
> -Final meta note: The reason that Bang actually came out to pride for this one-shot is because she's finally comfortable just hanging out and being vulnerable. Courtesy of her starting to move on from her past.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has one shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 6 is Best/Worst moment! We'll see which one it is for our resident sergeant.
> 
> Also, I'm so sorry this is late today, I completely forgot because I had to edit a vid.

“You have one shot, felagi fighter.” Bloodhound murmured.

Anita sighed. “I...I know.”

Glancing at the various boards set up, the ring was about to close, and the two teams were about to rotate into one of the last safe zones. All she had to do was wait for them to engage, hit a Kraber shot, and rotate in with her teammates.

“Come on, Sergeant. They’re already fighting.” Loba’s voice came through comms.

Anita muted her earpiece and settled, taking a deep breath in. Wraith was atop a building, providing covering fire for her teammates. She wasn’t moving. She was a free target. Adjusting the zoom on her scope, she adjusted Wraith’s head to line up with the lines of her reticle, compensating for bullet drop and wind.

She kept her other eye open, and could see Bloodhound looking around to make sure the two of them were safe.

The sound of the ring encroaching on them flooded Anita’s ears. It was almost deafening. But not as deafening as her own breath. She held still, breathing in and holding the air still in her lungs. She rested her index on the trigger. Anita let her breath go, pulling the trigger in the process.

“Dammit.” she murmured.

Jackie was humming their goodbye tune as he cleaned his G7, stopping when he felt his sister’s glare turn to him.

“What is it?”

“I can’t focus when you’re singing like a strangled goat.” Anita spoke.

A genuine laugh. “I do not sound like- maybe I do.”

“Can you please be quiet?”

“Do you expect to get silence in the field, ‘Nita?” he paused and tossed her another Kraber bullet. “‘Cause last I checked I’m pretty sure you’re gonna be hearin’ gunfire from dawn till dusk.”

Anita rolled her eyes.

“Probably more than that.” Jackie added.

“I get your point I just...why can’t we hang out? This is the last time we get to hang out before they ship us off. And you’re gonna be on Hestia.” Anita said.

Jackie sighed and gave his sister a hug.

“I know. But I’d be more comfortable knowing you can handle yourself on this operation.”

“Jackie. You know I can.” Anita gently punched his shoulder. “The real question’s if you can handle a ship going full throttle.”

“Hey don’t bring that up now. I can handle-”

“It better than you can handle hiking up a mountain?” Anita chuckled.

“Wow. Just for that, I’m singing at the top of my lungs the next time you shoot this Kraber.”

“Then I won’t shoot it.”

Jackie sighed and slumped his shoulders. “Then next time we get back home I’m stealing your slice of cake.”

Antia feigned an expression of shock. 

“Fine. I’ll shoot the damn thing.”

“See? If you can hit this, you’ll be able to hit any shot in the op.”

Anita settled down as he began singing again. For as much as their parents cheered him on when he sang, even at the send-off, no one could say with a straight face that he had the voice of an angel. It was like scraping a rusty fence against a stone while playing an off-tune guitar. To say it was bad would be an understatement.

Pushing the Kraber’s stock against her shoulder, Anita fought back a laugh and held her breath, focusing on the target a great distance away from her. She breathed out and pulled the trigger.

“JACKIE!” she yelled, trying her best to sit up.

Her chest tightened in on itself, and a doctor rushed to her side.

“Miss Williams, please breathe.” a woman spoke.

Looking to her side, Anita spotted two unfamiliar faces, both dressed far too professional to be any sort of soldier.

“Where the hell am I?” Anita asked.

“Solace.” the man spoke. “We’re here to offer you a job opportunity.”

_ Solace? How the hell did I end up in Solace? _

Anita turned to look at the other beds around her, empty.

“I need to get back to Gridiron.”

“We’re aware. But the fare is rather expensive, and I don’t think-”

Anita growled, “I’m a soldier, dammit. The IMC can get me home.”

The two individuals next to her shared a knowing glance with each other before turning back to her. There was almost an expression of pity on their faces. The man sat down in a bedside chair and scooted closer to Anita. He seemed deadly serious.

“The war is over, Sergeant.” he paused. “I believe that the only way you may be able to get back is if you take our offer.”

“...Where’s my brother?”

“We...we don’t know. Hestia’s crash is still being investigated.”

Anita laughed to herself. She looked down at her hands and held her face, leaning over before laying down. She stared at the ceiling.

“What’s your offer?” she asked.

“With the end of the war, we want to bring an old sport back. To help the people of the Outlands enjoy themselves, despite everything.”

“The Apex Games.” Anita interjected.

“Precisely. My name is Jacob Young, and I’m Apex’s representative, and this is Dr. Maxine Bateman. She’s Apex’s medical chief of staff. With time and a few good wins, I’m sure you can afford to get back to your family, Miss Williams.”

“...I’m listening.”

Anita blinked. Bloodhound was pulling her by the arm, trying to get into the ring.

“Let us go, Williams.” they murmured. “The ring will prevent the slatra if you do not run.”

Anita nodded to herself, gently pulling her arm out of Bloodhound’s grasp before sprinting to where Loba had set up. Looking at the boards, there was only one squad left.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Your bullet struck true, Williams.” Bloodhound answered, watching their surroundings.

“Didn’t take long for the other squad to finish what you started.” Loba paused. “Good job.”

Anita couldn’t really feel too happy about the situation. She was in a reverie two seconds ago, and now she had to steel herself and wrap up this match.

Funny thing was, those two Apex reps lied. There was no way to get enough money from the games within a lifetime to get back on Gridiron. She’d been doing this for years. From the cuts they take to the costs she needed to survive, Anita’s paycheck was essentially nothing. She wasn’t getting home anytime soon.

But she still played anyway.

The last team was a full one - Revenant, Gibraltar, and Caustic. While it was easy enough to waste the sim’s totem and down him, Caustic took a little longer. A blind wave of grenades was enough to flush him and Gibraltar out and down them both.

Anita dropped down to his level, crouching down.

“Wow, you got us good.” Gibraltar choked out.

“Yeah.”

Anita sighed. At this point, there wasn’t going to be much of a difference in her timeline to return home regardless of if she won this match or not. No one on her team really needed to win, either. But looking into her friend’s eyes, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. They’d been in this situation a hundred times before. Still, something was different this time.

“You want me to play you a tune after this?” Anita asked. “A real one, not that sad one from before.”

“Sure, bruddah.”

“Alright.”

Anita turned to the nearest camera.

“My squad and I forfeit the match!”

She knew the audience was probably angry at her for doing so, but she could care less. Loba and Bloodhound seemed shocked at her announcement but ultimately made no objections.

Anita pulled her friend up and helped him out of King’s Canyon, a weary, but wide smile on her face. She already made her shot. She could take her time, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Detail Notes:  
> -The whole premise of having one shot is based on Bang's voicelines. From her original loading screen to her season 5 ones, she always reiterates having one shot. So, yeah.  
> -Also yes! This was meant to come full circle from the first day's entry.  
> -If you were confused, after Bang shot the Kraber, she started remembering one of her last memories with Jackie, only to flash forward to a memory right after her ship crashed. I assume the Apex Games took full advantage of a confused and far-from-home soldier, so that's how I wrote it. Also, any names used are from the Apex Wiki.  
> -And yes, the memory with Jackie was triggered by the amount of audible chaos while she was trying to focus with the Kraber. Bad singing and two squads fighting are the same thing, right?  
> -Yeah I imagine that while Bloodhound and Loba might want to win games, it's not like it's their main goal.  
> -Also, Bang giving up the win is her final step in moving on from what happened that day when her brother died. Full circle, babey.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos, comments, and shares are appreciated but I can't force you, so see y'all tomorrow for the final entry!


	7. work.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend asked her how work was going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final day and it's AU! Also, it's modern AU.

Anita hopped into her seat, grabbing a samosa from Ramya’s plate.

“Git!” Ramya laughed out, taking her seat next to Anita.

Anita shrugged and popped the triangle-shaped food into her mouth, staring at the open field in front of them. It was nice, hearing nothing but far away crickets as the sun set.

“How’s work been?” Anita asked.

A snort. “Why, are you planning on swiping a few extra samosas- no, you’re going to convince me to get you a plate of Pani puris, aren’t you?”

“What?” Anita chuckled. “No. You know I don’t have enough finesse for that.”

Ramya smacked her hand as she reached to get another samosa. The two stared at each other with expressions of faux-indignation, before being unable to hold in their laughter. Anita, while her friend was laughing too hard to see, swiped another samosa and shoved it into her mouth.

“I noticed that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Anita choked out as she fought back a smile.

Anita finished the samosa and took a sip of water, glancing at her friend. The woman next to her seemed to be at peace, not doing much other than trying to eat as many samosas as she could before Anita would inevitably try to eat the rest.

“You still never answered the question.” Anita murmured.

“Work’s been going good.” Ramya paused. “...It’s weird to think I got my culinary degree- what is it, a couple of years ago?”

“Jesus, you’re making me feel old.”

Ramya rolled her eyes. “It’s not my fault you’re aging worse than my mum.”

“Does your mom’s lower back hurt all the time?”

“No, why?”

“Then you’re right. I am aging worse than your mom.” Anita groaned, grabbing another samosa.

“How about you? How’s your job been going?”

Anita sighed, giving a tired glance her friend’s way.

* * *

Anita strummed the strings of her guitar once more. It sounded pretty in-tune. Probably. For as much as she’d played guitar all her life, or for as long as she’s worked at Gridiron’s very own music store...Anita’s never bothered to learn how to tune.

It was embarrassing, really. Jackie’s been breathing down her neck ever since he hired her about it but she never had the time. As of late, she’d been making an effort, but it wasn’t much better than before.

Saying goodbye to the customer she tended to, she felt the judgemental eyes of her older brother on the back of her neck. He was probably gonna have a stern talking with her after her shift was over. If she was smart, she could probably sneak out and-

“‘Nita. I gotta talk with you.”

_ Shit. _

__ Entering the back room where all the spare supplies were kept felt like it was closing in on Anita. She could only really look at her brother, who had his arms crossed.

“What’s up with your performance lately?” he tried to keep eye contact while Anita turned her head. “I know you’re still learning how to tune but I heard you strum that thing and it was…”

“I don’t know. I’m tired, is all.” Anita mumbled.

“For a month? What’s going on?”

“I’m just tired, Jackie.” Anita sighed. “That’s it.”

Anita felt a pair of arms wrap around her and pull her in. She buried her face into her brother’s shoulder. She was too tired to cry, so she shut her eyes.

“You can talk to me any time, ‘Nita. You know that.”

The woman felt her knees weaken, and she descended to the floor. Jackie went down with her, slowing her so she wouldn’t get hurt. He still held her tight, patiently waiting.

“I don’t know how to say it I’m just...tired.” Anita repeated.

“It’s okay. I got you.” he whispered, squeezing her just a little tighter.

Anita had no idea how long they stayed there, in a silent embrace. The weight on her chest didn’t seem to vanish, but there was a bit of levity in feeling her brother there. She wasn’t alone, not completely, at least. She had no idea how long this feeling was going to last, or if it would ever stop, but she knew her brother would be there. It was nice.

* * *

Sitting in an empty church was a strange feeling.

The church was a place that Anita had always gone to ever since she was a kid. She knew everyone by name, and even if she saw them outside of their Sunday best, she’d know who it was. 

But it was empty right now. 

Anita was sitting in the front-most pew, staring at the cross in her hands. Over the years it lost its original shine, and it was home to many blemishes. Still, she always wore it around her neck. It felt like a bit of extra protection in her life - God was always with her. Running her thumb over the edges of it, she felt a bit of comfort.

So why did she feel so alone?

She doesn’t quite remember how it started, but before she realized it, her days were blending together. Getting up in the morning was harder than the day before it, and staring at the mirror she felt empty. She barely recognized the woman looking back at her. But she still did it. She still went to work each day and did a good job, and she was only falling off in her tuning skills (which were never there to begin with). 

Everything was so monotonous that she was tired of doing it. Of living. 

Anita was a woman of faith. Surely, since God existed, and she didn’t do much wrong in her life, she would get to Heaven. And Heaven was paradise.

The cross slipped between her fingers and onto the carpeted floor of the chapel.

A part of her was hoping Heaven didn’t exist. Eventually, inevitably, paradise couldn’t be paradise. There had to be a limit to happiness. 

Anita held her head in her hands.

“Figured I would find you here.” her brother’s voice echoed throughout the empty space.

“Hey.” she croaked out. 

Sitting down next to her, Jackie put an arm around her shoulder and gave her a hug. “How are you?”

“I’m fi-” Anita laughed at herself. “I don’t think I’m doing too well.”

“Okay.” he nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I think I do. I don’t know how to put it into words, though.” Anita muttered, staring at the cross on the floor.

Silence settled between the two. Nothing changed in the chapel, outside of the airconditioning starting up. The cross remained on the floor, and neither of the two Williams moved to get it.

“Hey...I know you didn’t want to do it before but-”

“No, Jackie.” Anita interjected.

“Look. I’m not saying you have to do it forever, and I’m not saying that your first session’ll make it all go away but...I really think it’s worth a shot.” Jackie finished.

“It can run your business into the ground.”

Jackie scooted away. “I’ve been saving up, ‘Nita. I’m sure it’ll be okay. A month. That’s all I ask.”

Anita sighed. She stared at the cross before looking to her brother.

“Okay.” Anita picked up the cross. “...Okay.”

Much like long before, time had blended into itself again. This time, while her day-to-day felt monotonous, she wasn’t entirely sick of it. Speaking helped, even if it did suck for the first few sessions. Somehow, Anita managed to finally learn how to tune guitars, although she nearly snapped some string a few times. 

Anita couldn’t say that she was happy. That wasn’t the word for it. But she was finding something every day to do. She was tired, yes. But there were things in her world that she was finding an interest in. There were people greeting her, and she was making friends who were as weird as her, all of whom were as bad at tuning guitars as she once was.

* * *

“...Anita?” Ramya hummed. “Are you just gonna keep staring at Sheila out there or are you going to answer my question?”

“Work’s been going good. The other day I got done with my one month anniversary for therapy.” Anita said.

“Oh nice, I’m guessing that means you finally tuned something right.”

Anita scoffed. “Rude.”

“Always so dramatic.” Ramya chuckled. “I’ll make you a plate of Pani puris this Friday. On me.”

“So  _ now  _ you’re being nice to me.”

“I was messing with you earlier, Anita.” Ramya rolled her eyes, beckoning Sheila to sit on her lap.

The dog huffed and hopped onto Anita’s lap instead.

“See? She knows who needs comfort most.” Anita joked.

“You plonker.”

“Your favorite plonker.”

Staring out at the field once more, Anita put one hand into Sheila’s fur, and let the other brush against the cross hanging from her neck. She might never be fully ‘okay’ but, life was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I pull some inspiration from the darkest time in my life to write this? Yeah.
> 
> Detail notes:  
> -Okay fun fact I actually asked my Indian friends what their favorite snack was and one of them told me about Pani puris. Apparently you just eat one in one go, unless you want it to crumble in your hands 'cause it's very fragile. Google it and you'll understand why.  
> -So this one-shot sorta follows how Anita's gotten to this point, with Anita's conversation with Jackie just,,,being the catalyst for her to start healing.  
> -The whole "days blur together" thing was taken directly from my memory. So was the mirror thing. Also just feeling tired. It wasn't sadness for me, it was just exhaustion.  
> -Oh and Anita's whole religion discussion was also based off of my experiences. I won't go into too deep of detail but a part of why my darkest time period got so bad was because I was losing faith and sorta poking holes in what I once really believed. That line about Heaven and how it can't be perfect forever? Literally how I thought during that time. And I'm not religious now, but I'd imagine that religion can be a good part of Bang's life.   
> -Anita's first instinct when Jackie approached her in church was to say "I'm fine" but she was slowly learning how to open up more.  
> -And yes, Sheila is Rampart's dog. What kind? I have no clue. Maybe a Doberman or something, idk.


End file.
